who's gonna hold my head up when the waves come crashing down?

the people who used to be here for me ain't here anymore.
the people i went running to with all my problems.

and after all, you're my wonderwall.
i miss bro.
miss wonderwall and qingtian and pieces of me.
miss the rooftop and all the other times.
miss your strength and decisiveness.

miss you.
3 years. yet no one knew me better than you do.
you would have told me the right things to say.

miss you.
5 years.
you've always got my back.
you watched over me all these time.
while i did nothing for you.
your sensible insanity.
i could do with you being here with me right now.
the only one who would warm my frozen hands.

i miss foo too.
how long has it been?
the crazy antics.
our long conversations.
it was much simpler back then.

the sky is so blue that it looks painted. so what is real now?
i can't think, i run out of things to say.

i'm not emo.
i just miss these very important people in my life.
life is just too dramatic now.
even the screwed-up may holidays were much easier to handle.
at least i knew what to do.
what to cry over.

but this time round, i'm overwhelmed.
even if it might not even concern me.
KILL THE MESSENGER.
i tried so hard to be happy, but when i looked at the people around me.
i can't.
maybe a little exhausted now.
i could do with a little peace and calm.

but for what is to come,
i doubt so.
there is just going to be too many casualties this time round.
who do i stand for?
all these while, i've been trying to save as many as possible.
so their souls won't be as broken as mine.
in the end, in the end.
the burial plot isn't even enough to hold all the graves.

send a little rain my way. i might feel better.

i keep blogging.
i have so much to say.
i might burst.
but there's only so much to put down here.
i feel bad for so many people now.
people that i felt close to or maybe not.
i might even want to cry for them.

you think it is easy for me?
just because i'm not exactly the one in the situation.
think again.
i had to lie to people whom i held close to.
white lies are nothing but lies.
i know they are going to get hurt.
yet i can't stop them.
and when they are hurt.
there's nothing i can do.th
at's one fucking terrible ordeal to sit through please.

they can cry and sigh.
it might go away, it might not.
but to watch and listen to all of them going through the pain,
i'm the most miserable one.
which way to happy?
tell me how.

so who do you save?
your own skin, the heart you vowed to protect or the hand that feeds you?

at least talking to love makes me feel slightly better.
socks, hats, birthdays and boots.
hahahaha.
oh, it started raining.
i think heaven heard my silent cries.
time for a stroll.


who do i turn to now?
i can't look beyond the gathering dark clouds.
i need a pair of arms.
to pull me through.

- evan

at 11/17/2006 08:18:00 AM.